INTERVIEW: Sully Wants You To “Shut Up And Listen” When Dating
Sully. Photo supplied.
Melbourne pop artist Sully has just dropped her new single, Ghosting (Me), and it’s a story about being unlucky in love. The track is drenched in synth sounds, and it sees Sully calling for more honesty from her ex.
It’s a song that is the result of a lot of self-reflection, as well as self-improvement. Sully’s made the most of what’s been a horrible 2020 for artists all around the world, and learnt what it truly means to push for your dreams, as well as take care of yourself when the going gets tough.
I spoke to Sully all about Ghosting (Me), and how the dating landscape has changed now that online dating apps are the primary way people seem to find love. I also asked her about how Australian pop music has evolved, and what she’s got planned for the near future.
Firstly, can you introduce yourself and your music?
Hey, I’m Sully! I grew up playing classical piano and violin and also dabbled in a spot of saxophone for a year. My voice was heavily influenced by church music growing up - Hillsong was a bit of a staple in my musical diet, right along side the classics; Destiny's Child, Spice Girls, TLC, etc. I think I still have my "So Fresh hits of summer....." sitting around somewhere. Ahhh nostalgia.
My music is based heavily around synth and hooks. The first release has a peppering of RnB flavour but Ghosting (Me) is straight synth-pop (although "pop" is quite a broad stroke of the brush now huh).
Your new single, Ghosting (Me), talks about online relationships – how do you think finding love has changed due to the rise of dating apps?
Well this song was actually about an IRL relationship that was going really well until it wasn't. The dude essentially just stopped talking to me after a few months of dating. But I've also definitely been ghosted off the dating apps. I think there are a few things going on when it comes to dating and finding love on dating apps. I think for some people, it's just for a bit of an ego boost, because who doesn't love a bit of attention. We all need it and we all go about getting it in different ways - I think there are better ways to get the right kind of attention than matching with a hottie though.
I've spoken to people who have just come out of relationships, so I think there is a big population on there that are just emotionally unavailable and are just dipping their toe back into the dating game, and then there are other people who are probably not capable of asking someone out in f2f scenario. It's a jungle out there and I think we need to learn to be a little kinder and understanding of where people are at. Not everyone is on there to sweep you off your feet and sometimes it's just nice to go with the attitude that it can be nice to meet new people for the sake of meeting new people.
What are your top three tips for someone looking to find love online?
1) Do the work and get your shit right. Don't be out there looking to find love so that someone can make you feel better about yourself.
2) Be open to the fact that everyone you meet along the way to finding a healthy relationship has something to teach you. Stay humble.
3) Shut up and listen to what others have to say and be interested in what they are telling you. Compassion and a listening ear are very fucking sexy.
The story of the song recounts an experience where you were getting 'ghosted' – why do you think people are more comfortable than ever leaving someone in the lurch?
I definitely think I didn't listen to my gut in this particular situation. I knew he wasn't ready, even when he swore black and blue that he was. So that's partly on me, and partly on someone who was too immature and not in touch with what he wanted. I think people have always probably been better with leaving others in the lurch, but the capacity to run and hide has increased as our population and technology has grown and evolved. People are on the move now more than ever as well, so I think that also plays a part.
I think being apart of an individualistic society also has its drawbacks - we're all so hell-bent on being the best person at what we do, we sometimes neglect being good to others because we're at max capacity trying to make sure we're doing everything we can in our own lives to get ahead. This winds up landing us in the sea of "I'm too busy" which then means we don't make enough time to understand what it is we need or want from someone. We're all in a rush to get to where we're going, so people take the easy way out because of one or all of these reasons.
You've spent 2020 honing and transforming your sound – what have you learnt about yourself throughout this year?
There's really no nice way to see 2020. I think a lot of people are trying to find the positives in it, but the pandemic has taken millions of lives and changed millions more. Having to stop and be alone with me without human interaction this year has really changed my perspective on a lot of things. I now understand what I need as far as filling up my cup so to speak (lol). I used to over invest and wear myself out and not have enough me time. So I had a lot of social anxiety because I was around people all of the time, but didn't schedule enough downtime. I love people and I am very much a fan of being with them, but I also tire quickly and they really take it out of me, so now I know that if my week or weekend is social, I need a couple of days to re-charge afterwards.
I've also learnt that I'm a lot more capable than I give myself credit for and that when things scare you, you should lean into them because you will grow and become an even better person. I've also learnt that meditation and mindfulness is the absolute shit. I start my morning every day with mindfulness practice and reading. I have a list of 4 non-negotiables I now do every day and it has made me a better musician and I think overall, just a more patient and compassionate person. I think I also learnt to get out of my own way and that it's ok to ask for things. Don't take the no's so personally because it's not a no forever.
Australian pop music is in a great place at the moment – what will it take for Australian pop to become even bigger on a global scale?
I think the industry is healthy & we have so much talent in this country. I think structurally, there need to be other pathways for the wide variety of talent this country possesses. We've seen it happen time and time again that musicians need to go overseas to make it before they're noticed here. I think it's important for labels and executives and publicists and managers to step up and give artists the leg up to accomplish their visions. Otherwise, I fear that we will be losing out on the incredible diversity I know the artists of this country have to offer.
There's a music video planned for the track soon – can you tell me a bit about what to expect from that video?
I've been working with my best friend Bee (@mediaavenuedesign)to create an avatar that will help enable some really cool exploration into the narrative for the EP that is coming next year. I wanted to create a hyper-reality whereby Sully is transformed and dives headfirst into a games arcade, navigating the pitfalls of past decisions and ghosts that haunt her. My website hosts the diary entries of these explorative thoughts from this other world. I'm working with an incredible animator from Chicago, @clairands (on insta) who has drawn and animated the music video, which is set for release mid-December (ish).
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Finally, what are your next few moves, both personally and music-wise?
I've just finished my first year of a Psychology degree, so I'll be working hard to stay on top of my second year studies next year. I've got a catalogue of about 12 tunes that have been written and ready to be released, so I'll probably be looking to release another song and hopefully, we can start doing some shows with the set.
Tbh, I'm in a great place both musically and personally at the moment, so I'm pretty keen to just enjoy my summer and hang out with my pals as much as I can, because if this year hasn't taught me anything else, I'm walking away with the lesson that being present and staying connected is so incredibly important to my wellbeing.