INTERVIEW: KMAY Speaks About The Importance Of Consent On The Powerful ‘Don’t Touch’
KMAY. Photo by Carmen Gee.
When I first heard Brisbane rapper KMAY’s new single Don’t Touch, I immediately realised how important the song’s message about the importance of consent was, and that’s why I wanted to write about it. It stems from an experience KMAY had in 2019 (which you can read about below). It’s a reminder of the power of music, and its ability to help artists reclaim the narrative around a personal situation.
I spoke to KMAY about the song’s origin, as well as how she’s using it to communicate and educate others in her community. I also spoke to her about her plans for the future, and how the song’s film clip came together.
Ben Madden: Firstly, can you introduce yourself and your music?
KMAY: My name is Kayla-May Cosgrove and I operate under my artist name KMAY (pronounced kay-may). My music can be categorised within hip hop as my vocal strength lies in rap but I use a lot of electronic sounds and infuse new-wave melodies into my tunes. I find it important to remain authentic in storytelling, so in other words - I say it how it is.
Don’t Touch has a message that draws from your personal experiences – can you tell me the story behind the song, as well as talk about its message?
Don’t Touch came from a horrible experience I had in Berlin last year, where I succumbed to the heavy pressures and guilt tripping of a man wanting to sleep with me. He ended up secretly filming us without my consent and released the videos online. I was furious when the videos were brought to my attention and there was nothing legally I could do about it as the crime was committed overseas. I was able to remove the videos off of the website they were streamed on but I needed to do more with the fury inside my soul.
The more I think about it, the more Don’t Touch reflects my highest self in that moment. If I had more courage and stronger personal power to tell old mate to fuck off the situation wouldn’t have escalated to what it did. I said no to his suggestions many times, but as I asked the stranger to leave me alone he kept changing the subject and offering ideas to stray me away from how I felt. I was a woman traveling Europe alone. Don’t Touch’s overall message is to stay in your power, be bold and don’t budge from how you feel in a moment of persuasion.
You were able to channel your anger into the song – do you view this song as catharsis, or is it a message for others to take on board?
It’s honestly a bit of both. I tried to use exercise as a means of release, but it didn’t work. Writing Don’t Touch has given me the opportunity to turn a negative experience into a positive movement. Which has made people in my community think and talk more about consent, their comfortability and having the power to set healthy boundaries. For me - now - when I think about that moment where I was vulnerable and taken advantage of, I don’t cringe nor am I angry nor am I sad. I’m thankful that now I get to arm those who are feeling defenceless with the power, sass and strength it takes to remove themselves from an unnerving situation.
Can you tell me about the story behind the film clip for Don’t Touch?
When it came to making the film clip for Don’t Touch I wanted to embody my ideologies of strong feminine energy .Firstly, the empress, from traditional tarot, representing Mother Earth. Having nurturing, caring and loving energy. She is the ultimate giver and brings abundance to those she encounters - a woman that one does not take for granted. Then there’s The Sour Puss, “knowing her lemons.” Lemons being associated with breasts and also turning “lemons into lemonade.” I love the sour puss character because she’s stunning and doesn’t care for what people think, she’s her own woman that’s not afraid to speak her voice. Finally - The Boss. A woman that calls the shots, makes hard decisions and raises the people around her up. I encapsulated this queen through powerful shots and dance where I was lucky enough to source dancers from The Motus Project (an arts collective in Brisbane).
My final contribution to the clip was a little story line, showing common encounters that women experience while being out, like being offered numerous drinks even after declining, non-consensual touch, and overall being named the “bad guy” when responding to the presence of a demanding person. I personally wanted more from these scenes, but think we did the best with what was captured. The film clip itself involved the biggest team I’ve ever worked with. Two massive days of filming, two locations, four looks, clothing, make up, a lot of pre-production and dance practice. My gratitude is with all the amazing people I had on set, their details can be found in the description of Don’t Touch on YouTube.
As a wider community – do people need to change the way they talk about consent, and is it a concept that society needs to discuss more openly?
Yes, absolutely! Consent is not something to be afraid of and talking about your levels of comfort is not taboo. For me, the hardest part is not actually stating how I am - it’s knowing how the other person feels. Like have they listened to me? Are they going to judge me? Are they understanding what I’m saying and from there will they respect my choices? It’s a two way street of call and response. A lot of people since the release of Don’t Touch have asked me about “mixed messages,” and of course, it is a thing. But for me I don’t want to engage in any sort of activity if someone isn’t sure about it.
Consent is a definite yes. Hesitation, maybes and no response (or action) - are all variations of No.
I am one for taking risks and pushing myself into new situations, but that’s on me. If I want to do something and feel scared or uneasy about it, then yes, please my peers support me, give me confidence, help me push through my fears because I have chosen to take this risk - I haven’t been forced by someone else’s idea or motive.
I wanted to ask about the warehouse gig – can you tell me about that community of artists and how that came about?
Oh my god. The warehouse party was insane. Trust me, Brisbane knows how to party. BAD OLIVE X BAD BITCHES was a collaboration between arts platform Bad Olive and 50+ female artists all local to Brisbane. Its main focus was exhibiting visual art, but there was so much more - live studio photography, catwalks, dance performances, strip shows, film showcases, jewellery makers, poets, soul/RnB singers and of course rappers.
It came to fruition by the wonderful Abbey Olive who runs Bad Olive. She wanted to end the year on a really high note, and boy oh boy she did. We all worked together to round up a squad of artists who would pull up and shine their light. We sold out the warehouse in West End and still people were asking how to get tickets. It was a massive and solid effort from all the artists involved. Abundance surrounded us.
The day ran from 11am - 6pm. My set was the second last of the evening and I’m happy to say it was my strongest performance to date. Everyone was comfortable amidst the feminine energy and a lot of people walked away inspired. Check out @badolive97 for recaps of the day, there’s a video of me going hard plus so much footage of all the incredible artists involved in the Brisbane scene right now.
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Finally, what are the next few steps for you, both personally and music-wise?
Personally, I’m going to keep planting trees and listening to the community. One facet on myself works in bush regeneration, I’m really passionate about protecting and repairing this incredible landscape. My next single to be released, One Step, reveals a little about this part of me. And once the flow of Don’t Touch has reached its capacity I’ll start dropping hints of One Step and then my EP, Long Before.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story and to Ben for asking about my art. I’d like to send strength to anyone who is a survivor of non consensual activity. You are valid.
You can follow KMAY on Facebook here and Instagram here.